How to handle co-parenting disagreements

Being a separated parent can be challenging, particularly if you have different parenting styles or ideas about what’s important to your child. Remember that the other parent will likely remain part of your life for a long time, and finding some common ground can make things far less stressful for everyone.

Communication is key. That means not only saying what you want but really listening to the other parent’s viewpoint and being prepared to compromise. There are often no clear right or wrong answers and, provided there are no safety or welfare concerns, both of you – and your child – need to be heard.

If you find it difficult to speak directly to the other parent, consider a neutral third party who could help facilitate discussions. This could be a family member, friend or professional, such as a family mediator. Some mediators also conduct child-inclusive mediation, giving your child a voice and prioritising their needs and perspective.

Try to remain focused on your child and avoid getting pulled into battles with the other parent – this isn’t going to benefit anyone. Don’t use your child as a messenger or ‘spy’ as this places them in the middle and can cause unnecessary pressure and often distress.

Creating a plan for your child is always a good idea. You can both contribute to the document which, although not binding, can helpfully manage boundaries and expectations. You can create one on CAFCASS’s website. Also consider using a co-parenting app to communicate, such as Our Family Wizard. It has a monthly subscription charge, but it can be invaluable for organised communication, accountable parenting and transparency between homes. It also has a useful tone monitor to suggest real-time alternatives to your messages when emotions are running high, to keep them calm and respectful.

If you’re still struggling, a family solicitor can provide legal advice, assist you in negotiations and suggest non-court dispute resolution methods to try and resolve any issues. Failing that and as a last resort, an application can be made to the family court for an order. The types of order that are commonly applied for are:

• A child arrangements order – sets out who your child lives with and/or spends time with and when
• A specific issue order – decides a particular point of disagreement in the exercise of parental responsibility, such as which school your child will attend
• Prohibited steps order – prevents a specific action, such as moving with your child to another part of the country.

Bear in mind that once a court becomes involved, you may both end up with an arrangement that you’re not entirely happy with. Where possible, it’s always better to try and resolve disagreements by good communication and compromise, while always putting your child’s best interests first.