Separation: a practical guide to getting started

When a relationship comes to an end, it can feel overwhelming. Whether the decision is mutual or unexpected, the emotional weight of separation can make it difficult to think clearly about the practical and legal steps ahead.

Every situation is different. For some, safety is the immediate priority; for others, there may be a desire to explore counselling before making any firm decisions. Whatever your circumstances, taking early independent advice – whether legal, financial or simply seeking guidance on arrangements for your children – can make a real difference to the outcome for the whole family.

Arrangements for your children

If you have children, their wellbeing will understandably be at the forefront of your mind. Think about how their time will be shared between you and what arrangements best serve their interests, including day-to-day routines, school runs and holidays.

If your children are old enough, it can help to talk with them sensitively about what’s happening. Keeping things as consistent as possible in the early days can make a real difference.

Immediate practical steps

Alongside thinking about your children, there are some important practical steps worth taking early on:

• Important documents: if you’re the one leaving the family home, take key personal documents with you, including your passport, birth certificate and qualification certificates. Access may become difficult later, particularly if communication breaks down
• Personal belongings: if you can’t agree on how to divide jointly owned items, draw up a list to help with negotiations. Be prepared to compromise — a give-and-take approach often leads to a quicker resolution
• Post and accounts: if you move out, redirect your post and update your details on relevant accounts as soon as possible
• Monthly outgoings: prepare a clear schedule of your regular expenses. Consider who will pay what in both the short and longer term, including loans and credit cards.

Financial and property matters

Finances are often one of the most pressing concerns following separation. Getting a clear picture of your financial position early on will help you plan ahead and make informed decisions.

Maintenance

Child maintenance can be estimated using the government’s online calculator on GOV.UK. If you’re married, a solicitor can also advise on whether spousal maintenance may be relevant in your circumstances.

The family home and property

• Get the property valued, whether you intend to stay, sell or transfer it
• Check how the property is owned. If it’s not in joint names, you may need to register a notice or restriction with HM Land Registry to protect your interest. If it’s jointly owned, you may need to consider severing the joint tenancy
• Review your mortgage documentation. How much is owed and are there any early redemption charges? This will help determine the equity in the property
• Speak to a mortgage adviser about your borrowing capacity going forward.

Financial disclosure, accounts and tax

• Gather key documents, such as any pre-nuptial agreement, cohabitation agreement or declaration of trust
• If you’re married, you will usually need to provide full financial disclosure, typically by completing a Form E and providing supporting documents
• Consider any joint bank accounts. Do they need to be closed, or should they remain open to cover shared bills in the interim? Be aware of the risk that one party could withdraw funds without agreement and take appropriate safeguards
• Notify your local council of any change in circumstances, as this may affect council tax or benefits
• If you receive benefits, inform the Department of Work and Pensions of your change in circumstances
• Review utility and insurance arrangements, as a change in circumstances may affect the terms of your cover
• Seek financial and tax advice at an early stage. Separation can have both short- and long-term tax implications, and it’s important to understand these as early as possible
• Check any death benefit nominations and consider updating, or making, a will.

How can matters be resolved?

This checklist isn’t exhaustive, but it should help you take the first steps following separation. While the process can feel daunting, there are a number of ways to resolve matters, and the right approach will depend on your particular circumstances:

• Negotiation: many separations are resolved through constructive discussions between solicitors or with the support of other professionals
• Mediation and alternative dispute resolution: a trained mediator can help you and your former partner reach agreement on finances, property and arrangements for children without going to court. You may also be suitable for our one couple, one lawyer service
• Court proceedings: usually a last resort, court may be necessary where there are safety concerns, a need to protect assets or where the other party isn’t engaging in the process.

Whatever your situation, a solution can be tailored to you and your family.