What is family mediation and is it for you

Many people feel confused about family mediation and when it might be appropriate. It is important to clarify that family mediation is neither couple counselling to explore reconciliation nor is it a therapeutic service to support you through the separation.

Family mediation is a process, separate from the court system, that helps separating couples discuss future arrangements for children and finances. A specially trained mediator facilitates discussions, guiding couples through contentious issues such as where the children will live after separation and how family finances will be restructured.

Who are family mediators?

A family mediator is a professional trained for this role. While many mediators have a legal background, they can also come from a range of other professions. Regardless of their background, mediators are required to remain impartial and cannot offer legal advice during mediation sessions.

It is important to note that mediators are not arbitrators. They do not decide for you but instead help you and your partner discuss your respective views and supports you come to come to your own resolution. Mediators may provide legal information to contextualise your discussions but that is their involvement in offering legal guidance.

How does mediation work?

Mediation offers a setting where discussions occur without the backdrop of court proceedings. One of the benefits of mediation is that it can be arranged quickly with the number of sessions tailored to the complexity of the situation.

Although mediation is not mandatory in England and Wales it is very much encouraged. The court system generally sees litigation as a last resort, as it is expensive and often divisive. However, it is mandatory to have an initial one-to-one session with a mediator – called a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (MIAM) – before proceeding to court, except in emergency cases.

What happens in MIAM?

During a MIAM, the mediator explains what mediation is and whether it could be helpful in your situation. The mediator also ensures that mediation is appropriate and safe for all parties involved.

If the mediator feels mediation is suitable, the mediator will reach out to your partner to offer their own separate and independent MIAM. If both parties agree to proceed, the mediator will then set up an initial meeting and begin the mediation process.

The mediation process

Once mediation begins, you and your partner set the agenda for discussions, not the mediator. Sessions can be conducted in person or via a video link, depending on convenience.

Mediators may use different approaches, such as shuttle mediation, where parties are places in separate rooms, and the mediator moves between them to facilitate negotiations. This option can help reduce tension in highly charged situations.

Is mediation binding?

Mediation is conducted on a without prejudice basis – meaning discussions are off the record. This allows for open dialogue without fear of statements being used later in court.

If consensus is reached, the mediator will draft a document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) to summarise your agreement. While the MOU is not legally binding, it can be converted into a legal document following you and your partner taking legal advice.

Mediation for financial and parenting arrangements

Many couples use mediation to resolve a financial arrangement following separation. Discussions may involve the sale or transferring a family home, pension sharing maintenance payments. Mediation involving the finances is involved and it will be important that as part of the mediation process the parties share financial information to enable both sides to get a full understanding of the financial landscape.

Your mediator will be able to assist you in the process of sharing financial information and the financial information that is shared during the mediation would not be without prejudice.

For parenting arrangements, mediation helps couples address how children will divide their time between two households. Many parents also use mediation to create a parenting plan which can go in to detail about the day-to-day parenting of children.

Complementing mediation with legal advice

While mediators cannot give you legal advice, having a lawyer on the sidelines can enhance the process. Lawyers can help you prepare for the mediation meetings, review agreements and advise you on your next steps.